The Extremely Patriotic Bush Twins

Copyright © 2005-2008 Timothy Horrigan

You should definitely check out my wedding page: http://www.TimothyHorrigan.com/jenna.bush.wedding.html — I have a couple of updates (as of late Sunday morning) but only on the "Jenna Bush Wedding page" at:

• http://www.TimothyHorrigan.com/jenna.bush.wedding.html

The Twins at Jenna's bachelorette party

I have three additional Bush Twins-related pages:

• http://www.TimothyHorrigan.com/documents/bushtwins040831.html

• http://www.TimothyHorrigan.com/videos/jenna.ellen.071205.html

• http://www.TimothyHorrigan.com/jenna.bush.wedding.html

And please check out my novel The Forgotten Liars:

• http://www.TimothyHorrigan.com/tammi1a.html

 In December 2007, bizarre rumors began circulating that Barbara would be marrying Mitt Romney. These stories turned out to be totally misleading. For one thing, the rumor-mongers mixed Barbara up with her cousin Noelle Bush.

More information on these bizarre rumors!

According to the LA Times, this is supposedly what Jenna & Henry's wedding invitation looks like. I don't think they used Soolip Paperie. It uses the same semi-official picture I've had on my web site for months:

The wildflowers are the theme of the wedding. Apparently, Empress Laura has been keeping herself busy all these years by planting wildflowers on the ranch in Crawford. The dresses for the "house party" (i..e., what folks in the other 49 states would refer to as the "bridesmaids") are also wildflower-colored. (In Texas, the "bridesmaid" is what non-Texans would refer to by the term "maid of honor." Jenna's bridesmaid will be the other twin, Barbara.) The designer Lela Rose released the following sketch of some of the house party dresses:

After the wedding they are moving to a row house which Henry bought for $440,000 on the south side of Baltimore, not far from the Baltimore Ravens' stadium which is currently known as " M&T Bank Stadium ". The house's assessed value is $296,780. The exact address is 1345 South Charles Street; Baltimore MD 21230.

The Extremely Patriotic Bush Twins

Barbara and Jenna Bush are two seemingly likeable young ladies with more money than brains who recently graduated from college.

Barbara is the brunette and Jenna is the blonde. Confusingly, Barbara is the one who doesn't look exactly like her famous grandmother by the same name .

Since graduating from Yale and the University of Texas-Austin (respectively), the Bush Twins have mostly (except when out on the campaign trail) been gallivanting around New York City doing nothing in particular. And that's OK: I gallivanted around New York a fair bit myself when I was their age.

Barbara is the quiet and serious twin, and she was also the one who hit the jackpot in the college-admissions lottery by landing a slot at Yale. Jenna is a boisterous fun-loving blonde, and she went to a school which is significantly farther down the admissions food chain than Yale, but ironically she is the smarter one.

(This would be a good opportunity to plug my book The Forgotten Liars , which draws upon some of my experiences from that stage of life. But I will not be so crass!)

Although Barbara and Jenna have visibly volunteered in previous hurricane relief efforts, as shown in the photo below taken in Florida during the 2004 hurricane season, they did not become visibly involved in the Katrina or Rita recovery efforts.

In 2004, the Twins electrified the nation and the whole world with their address to the 2004 Republican National Convention. This speech— which established them as the exemplars of a new generation of American leaders— was instantly recognized as one of the most historic convention speeches of all time— right up there with William Jennings Bryan's "Cross of Gold Speech" or even Newt Gingrich's "Beach Volleyball Speech."

Through most of 2005, the Twins generally kept a low profile, although Jenna was sighted dirty-dancing with her longtime beau Henry Hager, which is not surprising. More surprisingly, Barbara was spotted with, of all people, Florida Congresswoman (and ultimately unsuccessful Senate candidate) Katherine Harris.

Barbara turned up in the news shortly after the Fourth of July, 2005— on the eve of the 2005 G8 Summit. The Boston Globe published a July 6, 2005 article by John Donnelly revealing that Barbara had been in Cape Town, South Africa since June, evidently to volunteer at a world-renowned pediatric hospital, the Red Cross War Memorial Children's Hospital . Because of security concerns and because (like her father during the Vietnam War) she prefers to keep as low a profile as possible when she serves, no one was willing to go on the record about exactly what it is that she was doing in Cape Town. But she definitely has been in South Africa— or possibly Botswana.

Barbara appeared in Torino at the 2006 Winter Olympic ceremonies, accompanied by the First Lady and a very special friend of the First Lady's (an obscure aspiring actor, rumored to be the First Lady's lover, who uses the stage name of "George Clooney.")

This was the last we heard of Barbara until a brief late June 2006 Wonkette blog entry to the effect that she was working in "educational programming" at the Cooper Hewitt Museum in New York City. Jenna maintained a somewhat higher profile: she spent the 2005-2006 academic year teaching school, either in New York or Washington DC depending on which report you believe, and found plenty of time to party. In the fall of 2006, she even became the subject of conspiracy theories. She was allegedly sent to the remote South American republic of Paraguay to negotiate the Bush family's purchase of a huge ranch which would be her father's sanctuary after he flees the country to avoid prosecution for his crimes. The White House actually admitted that she was in Paraguay, but they claimed she was there to Trick or Treat for Unicef (or perhaps do something else for Unicef.) Barbara went back underground for a few months before being spotted at at a tailgate party in New Haven, in mid-November, wearing (even though she is a good Republican who does not believe in Global Warming) a sleeveless summer dress.

In late November 2006, both twins were sighted in Argentina, where they enjoyed a rather bizarre vacation in Buenos Aires. It is not clear exactly what happened, but we do know for certain that one of their Secret Service agents was mugged while cruising the local gay bar district. Even more oddly, a thief managed to steal Barbara's purse and cellphone while they were having dinner. And, in a not overly convincing attempt to dispel rumors that the the US embassy in Buenos Aires had asked the girls to leave the country, the embassy's press office felt compelled to issue a statement that "The Embassy welcomes the visit and has provided close support and cooperation."

We never heard anything more about Jenna's trip to Paraguay, but her travels to the similarly-named Latin American country of Panama inspired a book entitled Ana's Story: A Journey of Hope. This is a non-fiction young-adult book about a teenaged single mother with AIDS. Jenna signed a presumably lucrative book contract with HarperCollins (which is owned by Rupert Murdoch, who also owns FauxNews.) There is no word as to whether or not Ana gets a cut of the action.)

On August 16, 2007, Jenna announced her engagement to Henry Hager. Hager is a heroic young patriot who supported the war effort by serving as an aide to Karl Rove before recently going back to grad school. He is a young MBA who made a huge sacrifice by serving under Rove. He could have taken a lucrative job as a consultant or banker, but instead he toiled long hours fighting for freedom, making a humble GS-11 salary (barely even $60,000/year.)

If she had chosen to be married at the White House, she would have been the first White House bride since Tricia Nixon. However, she decided to have her wedding at her parents' ranch in Crawford, Texas, on May 10, 2008.

Henry Hager is one of two generations of Hagers who have been serving our Commander-in-Chief. His father is John Henry Hager, a former tobacco lobbyist who until recently served as the Assistant Secretary of Education for Special Education & Rehab Services. He was in charge of (amongst other things) Special Ed testing programs.

For some reason it troubles me that Jenna & Barbara are not in the service. Their father's war in Iraq has been going on for three years now (and the 9/11 attacks happened over four years ago.) During these years, neither Jenna nor Barbara have ever been moved to volunteer for the military. Over 4,000 members of their generation (and that's just the official count of US troops only) have lost their lives in Iraq. (Click here for the complete list of fallen troops, courtesy of Icasualties.Org.) Thousands more will be making the ultimate sacrifice in the next several years, not just in Iraq, but also in Iran, Afghanistan, and who knows where else. I am sure Jenna and Barbara are patriots who resolutely and consistently support their father's quest to impose Dick Cheney's and General Betrayus's version of freedom and democracy on the rest of the world (and to protect our oil supply.) I am sure they do not believe that the USA should wait for an actual threat before using force to defend itself. Doubtless, they do not believe in an "international test" or in asking the UN 's permission before invading other countries.

Perhaps they could show their patriotism by enlisting in the armed forces. Maybe they could emulate their father by joining the Air National Guard. Or, they might consider the Navy , the Marines , the Air Force , or the Army . It's just a thought...

If you have any ideas about how the Bush Twins could best serve their country, please send an email to:

JennaAndBarbara@TimothyHorrigan.com

 A video blogger who calls herself Squizzard1 has posted a YouTube "plea for the Bush Twins to join their father's noble cause.":

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  The picture above is a clickable link, as is this entire sentence. But you probably are one of those who already figured that out, since you managed to find your way this far down the page.

• Alternatively, you can use the following URL:

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gBRNO1k2vY

Regardless of what Jenna & Barbara decide, their father has at least four more wars planned. Iran, Syria, North Korea, and Venezuela are just four of the many countries whose leaders insist on spewing anti-Bush venom. And Bush II will not sit back and wait till his enemies actually back up their rhetoric with action.

USA! USA! USA! USA!

FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS!

• Click here to learn about the next four wars! —  http://TimothyHorrigan.com/4morewars2008.html

The Twins electrified the nation at the 2004 RNC!

Bush Twin Links:

• TheFirstTwins.com: Bush Twins fan site.

• Wikipedia entry.

• Yahoo! Directory page.

• Interesting September 10, 2001 Houston Chronicle article about Jenna & Barbara's work on the issue of substance abuse. For some unknown reason, the media never followed up on this story!

• Text of their electrifying address before the 2004 Republican National Convention . (Arguably, this was the greatest convention speech since William Jennings Bryan's Cross of Gold speech in 1896.) Click here to see the video in RealPlayer format. 

• Boston.com's "Twinspotting" Page (about their antics during the 2004 RNC.)

• July 6, 2005 Boston Globe article about Barbara's mysterious volunteer work in South Africa.

• A Letter to the Editor (never published) which I wrote in August 2005 about Bush II, World War II & Gulf War II: the Bush Twins' decision not to serve in Gulf War II does get mentioned.

• Their father's very similar November 11, November 14, and November 19, 2005 speeches about the War Against Evil which neither Twin saw in person. Why not? Because the audiences were made up entirely of military personnel— and neither Twin had volunteered to join the military!

• Bush II's 2006 State of the Union Speech. Bush II spoke very bluntly about his plans to continue the War Against Evil. He also said: "We're grateful to all who volunteer to wear our nation's uniform — and as we honor our brave troops, let us never forget the sacrifices of America's military families." His own family happens not to be one of those families, because Jenna & Barbara have not yet volunteered to wear our nation's uniform.

• Bush II's 2007 State of the Union Speech. A year later, the War Against Evil was still going on and America's military families were still making their sacrifices. However, neither Jenna nor Barbara had volunteered to wear our nation's uniform.

• Bush II's 2008 State of the Union Speech. Another year later, the War Against Evil was still going on and America's military families were still making their sacrifices. Jenna and Barbara still hadn't volunteered to wear our nation's uniform, although Jenna has been engaging in non-military public service. They looked on adoringly from the balcony as their father delivered these ringing words at the climax of his address: "Our military families also sacrifice for America. They endure sleepless nights and the daily struggle of providing for children while a loved one is serving far from home. We have a responsibility to provide for them. So I ask you to join me in expanding their access to child care, creating new hiring preferences for military spouses across the federal government, and allowing our troops to transfer their unused education benefits to their spouses or children."

• Some useful advice about girls in mini skerts, from IslamHelpLine.org.

• My Paris Hilton page

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  August 16, 2007 AP article about Jenna's engagement.

• August 16. 2007 Washington Post article about Jenna's engagement.

• August 17, 2007 Washington Times article about Jenna's engagement

• September 17, 2007 RightWingSparkle blog entry: "The Bush Daughters. The Reality Of It." Ms Sparkle is one of those rightwing commentators who spends 98% of her energy whining about them mean ol' liberals. She was ticked off by an anti-Bush Vanity Fair piece by James Wolcott where he said: "As for the daughters-they've been completely AWOL, utterly useless." After citing Jenna and Barbara's accomplishments, Ms Sparkle goes on to her main point, which is that Chelsea Clinton works for a hedge fund called Avenue Capital (which actually might not be so terrible were it not for the fact that the firm's CEO, Mark Lasry, is a Democrat.)

• September 26, 2007 HuffingtonPost.com blog entry about Jenna's engagement

• September 29. 2007 Washington Post story: "Jenna's Story: A New Author Steps Forth" by Bob Thompson. Jenna wants to talk about the book, but she answers questions about many other topics— even the War in Iraq. About the war, she says, "Nobody wants war, I definitely, and my father definitely doesn't want war. But it's a horribly complicated situation." She goes on to say, "I can say it's devastating... I think everybody can agree on that." And, even though she is not in the military, she make the point that (unlike her sister) she has been involved in non-military public service as an educator.

• October 11, 2007 Time Magazine "Ten Questions" column: Jenna fended off the question of why she and Barbara aren't in the military by stating, "there are many ways to serve our country, and I think my skills are better suited for teaching and representing the U.S. in Latin America through UNICEF. I respect the men and women of our country who are over there fighting. It is an unbelievably selfless thing to do. But if people really thought about it, they would know it's not even a practical question."

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  December 5, 2007 Ellen Show appearance: Jenna phones home.

• Robert Stacy ("The Other") McCain's blog posting: "Jenna Bush for Bob Barr?": The Other McCain wryly speculates, in the absence of any evidence, that Jenna (who coyly refused to endorse McCain) is in fact voting for Bob Barr. McCain says: "Jenna's always been my favorite Bush twin. She just seems very down-to-earth and fun-loving. Given the trend of each generation of Bushes getting a little more conservative than the last, I figure maybe Jenna's so conservative she can't stomach the open-borders policy supported by her Dad and Crazy Cousin John. And need I remind you that, just like Jenna, Ron Paul is from Texas?"

• May 2008 Vogue Magazine article about her wedding and of course the new book!: Like most articles on Vogue's website, this posting was unillustrated. Don't worry, the dead-tree version lacked any good pictures. You're not missing much. We have to wait till May 10 to see the wedding gown. I did manage to scrounge up a semi-interesting sketch of the bridal party dresses:

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• My own Jenna Bush Wedding page

Some other Bush-related pages:

• The 2004 Election

• The 2008 Election

• "All Hail Dubya!"

• "4 More Wars!"

• "Mission Accomplished"

• The real origins of the Axis of Evil

• Jenna Bush's Wedding Day